James Potter's List Of Gits
by MoonytheMarauder1
Summary: Lily Luna Potter was caught up in a romance that she didn't realize was toxic. With the help of her brothers, she works to put it behind her. (Please read the warnings in the author's note. Title is a bit misleading; not a light-hearted tale. High T for sensitive subjects, not in detail.)


**A/N: Hey y'all! This was written for the Hogwarts Eastern Funfair Challenge, for the Ferris Wheel. My prompt: (plot point) makeover**

 **Warnings: Slight language, unhappy/controlling relationship, character cheats, character comes out as gay. If any of these trigger or displease you, please do not read.**

 **Important: The above subjects are not ones that I have experienced myself. I am writing this because I feel it is an important topic, and if it is unrealistic to anyone who may have been in such situations, then I apologize. If you have any major issues with the story please PM me privately and we can discuss possible changes; the last thing I want to do is offend someone. Please do not attack this story in a review. Constructive criticism is fine, but anything else will not be tolerated. Again, a civil PM will be answered.**

 **Also: The "makeover" point in this story may not be written all that accurately. I, like I've portrayed Lily, do not wear makeup. XD So, I had to ask my sister quite a bit… I'm sorry if this annoys/offends someone.**

 **Thanks to my sister for beta-ing!**

 **Word Count: 4358**

 **Disclaimer: I do not own Harry Potter. Those rights go to JK Rowling.**

 **Enjoy!**

Lily Luna Potter was known for a lot of things. Her temper, for one; she wasn't the kind of girl who walked away from a fight. She was also known for her Transfiguration skills, and for being James and Albus Potter's, the prankster Gryffindor and the brainiac Slytherin's, little sister. Mostly, she was known for being Harry Potter's daughter.

That's right. _The_ Harry Potter. The-Boy-Who-Lived. The Chosen One. The Defeater of the Dark Lord.

For a thirteen-year-old, the pressure that came with having a famous parent was hard to deal with. She was expected to be brave like her father, funny like her uncles, and athletic like her mother. She didn't _want_ to have to deal with phony friends on top of that. People who only wanted to be near her because her father (and the rest of her family) was famous.

It was easier for her brothers. James was such an intense prankster that the only people who could stand to be around him were the people who truly wanted to. Albus was a Slytherin, and as most of his House had Death Eater relatives, none of them were keen on approaching him. He had a few friends, but Scorpius Malfoy was his closest.

No, the people with bad intentions tended to approach Lily.

Not to say that she didn't have friends. She even had a boyfriend: Connor McLaggen.

Their relationship wasn't well-known. He was a fifth-year, she was in her third, but there was only a year and a half age gap; she'd be fourteen in a month. It was thrilling, the way that she was wanted, desired even, by someone two years ahead of her. He treated her well, too— helped her with homework, took her on dates to Hogsmeade, bought her Christmas gifts... He was so good to her, in fact, that she often felt as though she couldn't keep up. As good as he made her feel, she wanted to make him feel just as good. She bought him gifts and attended his Quidditch games, but somehow, she never felt like she could keep pace.

Lily was currently curled up on an armchair in the Gryffindor common room, twirling a long strand of red hair around her index finger as she did her Potions essay. The fire was raging in the hearth, making the room just warm enough that its occupants were comfortable without extra garments. She was nearly finished with her essay when she was interrupted.

"Hello, Lily."

She looked up and grinned. Connor was walking over to her, so she shoved her books into her bag.

Connor perched himself on the arm of her chair. "What are you doing?"

"My potions essay," she replied promptly. "but it can wait, if you want."

Connor nodded, looking distracted. He dragged his eyes up and down her body, and Lily squirmed, knowing what was coming.

"Your hair would look better short."

There it was. Lily bit her lip, fingering her long locks. "I like it long."

"It will look better shorter," he said with a note of finality. He wrinkled his nose. "Is that what you're wearing?"

Lily glanced down at her baggy sweatshirt and Muggle jeans. She mentally cursed herself. She should be trying to impress Connor; her hair was one thing, but clothes she could sacrifice.

"I'll go change," she said quickly, standing up.

Connor nodded approvingly. Lily left the otherwise empty common room. She hurried up to her dorm and tugged off her clothes, then threw on a dress she knew Connor liked, and some sandals she'd gotten for her birthday.

She went back down and Connor nodded with satisfaction. "Much better."

* * *

The rest of the week went by in a similar manner.

Today, Connor had suggested she try makeup. Lily, once again, had hesitated. As much as she wanted to please Connor, she _had_ tried makeup before; she hadn't liked it. It felt hot on her face (though whether that was the makeup itself or how self-conscious she was if it, she wasn't sure). She preferred her face without it, anyway.

But it was impossible to explain this to Connor without feeling like she was letting him down.

"You'll be pretty with it," he insisted. "Don't you want to look pretty?"

She did. But she didn't want to feel like she was under a microscope, which was what would happen if she did put some on.

Eventually, Connor called down a girl in his year— Jolie Bromley. Lily had always been a bit jealous of her. With olive skin, a dark bob, and hazel eyes, she was easily one of the prettiest girls in school. To top it all off, she was everything Lily wished to be— surrounded by friends, funny, smart— she even played as a reserve on the Quidditch team.

She was the nicest person Lily had ever met (bar Teddy Lupin), which made her all the more envious.

"Jolie," Connor called. "Come here."

She obeyed without question. She smiled kindly at Lily, and the youngest Potter knew that if Jolie weren't so bloody perfect, they'd make good friends.

Connor brushed his brown bangs out of his eyes. "Don't you think Lily would look nice with her hair short? A little makeup?"

Jolie's eyes lit up, and Lily went back to hating her. "Oh yes! Thinking of a change, Lily? I can help, if you want, I've been studying—"

"Yes," Connor interrupted. "Could you cut it for her?"

Jolie agreed, and Lily shifted uncomfortably. The older girl was clearly under the impression that this was her idea. Still, Connor wanted this very badly— she could get used to it. Maybe.

She nodded to Jolie, bracing herself as the fifth year ran to get a comb and scissors.

Sensing her nerves, Connor put a hand on her knee and kissed Lily's temple. "You're making the right decision."

Lily tried for a smile. When Jolie returned, Connor removed his hand from her knee. She made her way over to Lily, clutching a makeup bag.

Glancing at Connor, Jolie asked Lily. "Do you want to do it in the prefects' bathroom?"

Grateful for the chance for privacy, and the prefect badge on Jolie's chest, Lily nodded.

Once in the bathroom, Lily let Jolie wash and comb her hair. It was very much like the Muggle salons her mum took her to. Then Jolie raised the scissors, and Lily's doubts were back full force.

The older girl looked curiously at Lily. "How short do you want me to cut it?"

Lily bit her lip. She considered the question for a few moments. Connor wanted it short. Lily wanted to keep it long, but she also wanted to please her boyfriend.

She turned to Jolie. "I want it shorter, but not drastically so… What do you suggest?"

Jolie smiled reassuringly. "Maybe just take off a couple of inches— that'll bring it to just above your shoulders."

Lily shook her head. That wasn't enough of a compromise. Connor wouldn't like it. "That's not enough."

Jolie wasn't fazed. "Okay. We could bring it to about the middle of your neck."

Lily thought about it for a second. It was shorter than she'd like, but she had a feeling Connor would approve.

Jolie, sensing her anticipation, quickly assured her. "It will look gorgeous, I promise. And if you don't like it, I can always regrow it."

Eased, Lily agreed. "Okay. Cut it."

She did.

* * *

Jolie looked skeptical. "Are you sure you want to wear all this, Lily? I can understand a little to start, but this seems like an awful lot."

She was talking about the makeup Lily had said she wanted to wear. Connor wanted her to wear this; _she_ didn't want to. But for the first time in her life, someone was calling her beautiful. She may be her own person, but she couldn't deny how flattering it was for someone to pay so much attention to her. She wanted to continue getting that attention; she wanted to be deserving of it.

"Yes," she said.

So Jolie helped her. They started out small, with just mascara and lipgloss. Lily insisted on the eyeshadow, afraid that Connor would think she wasn't trying hard enough if it was difficult to see evidence of the makeup.

As Jolie put away all the tubes and brushes, Lily examined her reflection in the mirror on the wall. She didn't recognize the person she saw. The girl in the mirror was pretty, no doubt, but she seemed a bit boring. She looked like the kind of girl who gossiped by the lake instead of playing Gobstones with her brothers. She looked like the kind of girl who screamed when her hair got wet instead of flinging mud at Peeves. She wasn't Lily Luna Potter; she was a stranger.

Nevertheless, she followed Jolie out of the prefects' bathroom and back to the common room without protest.

Connor's look of approval only brought her a sliver of relief.

* * *

The next day, Lily turned heads.

Everywhere she went, people complimented her on her hair, her clothes, her makeup up. Connor seemed pleased. She hoped that now she'd be good enough for him— good enough for him to admit to being in a relationship with her. She was beginning to think that he'd been right about showing off her beauty. All these people liked her— not her name or her father's fame, but _her!_

"Lily!" gushed a fourth-year girl named Ida Wenner. "Look at you! You look so _good_." She sighed. "I wish I had your hair…"

A third-year Hufflepuff, Samuel Lucas, approached her timidly. "Hi Lily. You look, er, really nice."

During lunch, a Ravenclaw passed her a note that complimented her makeup. A Slytherin told her he liked her dress when she passed him in the corridor.

All this was great. It would have been better, though, if she didn't have to keep wondering if her dress rode up every time she sat down. Or if she could eat without fear of ruining her lip gloss. Or if her feet would stop hurting.

Pluses and minuses, she told herself.

That day was a Hogsmeade trip, so, after spending half of it with Connor, she headed to the Three Broomsticks to meet up with Albus and James. She hadn't seen them in a while; her time had been divided almost evenly between school and Connor lately.

She peeked into the crowded pub, and grinned when she spotted two familiar mops of unruly black hair. She pushed her way towards them and plopped herself down when she reached their table.

"Buy me a butterbeer, losers," she said by way of greeting.

James chuckled as he turned to her. "I believe there's a rule that youngest pays—" He stooped and gaped at her.

Albus, not looking up from his book, chimed in. "Yeah, there is. It's unspoken but definitely there."

When no one responded, Al looked up. "Lily, someone hexed your face."

Lily scowled and kicked him under the table. "No one hexed my face. I did this myself."

James looked incredulous. " _Why?"_

Lily bristled. "Because I wanted a change, okay? Why do you care, anyway?"

James looked concerned. "Lily, you said you didn't like makeup. Is everything—"

Albus put a hand on their brother's shoulder to silence him. "Lily," he began. "if this is really something you like, then we support you. We're only surprised because you've never expressed an interest in any of this before." Albus looked at her knowingly with his deep green eyes. "But was this really your choice?"

Lily glowered at him. How dare he talk to her as though she was a child. How dare he act as though she didn't know what she wanted. _How dare he be right_.

"Listen," she began hotly. "This is how I'm going to dress from now on, okay? I like how I look." _Lies, lies, lies._ "Besides, Connor says—"

James straightened up in his chair, his hazel eyes narrowing behind his glasses dangerously. "Connor? Connor McLaggen? What does that idiot have to do with anything?"

"Don't call him that!" Lily hissed.

Albus frowned. "He's in my year. He's… not pleasant."

James snorted. "That's an understatement. He stinks up the common room and thinks he's _all that_ at Quidditch—"

"Stop bad mouthing my boyfriend," Lily growled.

The Potter brothers froze. "What?" James finally managed to choke out.

Flushing, Lily answered. "We've been secretly dating for nearly two months now. So _shut it_."

Albus gaped at her, which was a very disconcerting expression on his face. Then his eyes grew angry. "I don't believe you, Lily," he said harshly. "I never thought— he's dating _Jolie Bromley._ "

A strange buzzing filled Lily's head. She felt as though she was underwater. Every movement she made was sluggish, and it took her a moment to realize that she had spoken. "What? No, he's not. They're just friends."

Albus still looked angry, but his anger wasn't directed at his sister anymore. " _McLaggen,"_ he growled. "I saw him snogging Jolie in a broom cupboard just last month."

James slapped his palm against the table. "That two-faced, son of a—"

Lily didn't listen to anymore. She couldn't. Connor had been cheating on her with Jolie? Or— Lily's stomach churned— had he been cheating on Jolie _with her?_

She felt so stupid. Connor didn't care about her, or how she looked; he was just playing with her, seeing how much of a fool he could make her before she cottoned on. He'd wanted to see how far she'd follow him, and follow him she had. She was so blind to the truth of him, she'd let him turn her into a shell of herself, someone with no opinions of their own. She had wanted to be seen as herself so badly, the second someone glanced her way she had felt them change her as they saw fit.

In a few months, she'd be able to put it behind her. She'd be happy with herself and her "relationship" with Connor would be a bad memory. She'd wait until the end of fourth year to date again, but this time she'd take it slow, and would carefully keep track of her happiness.

But right now, she was humiliated and needed to _get out of these clothes._

She stood up, eyes watering. She ignored the shouts of her brothers as she rocketed out the door and back up to the castle.

* * *

That evening, Lily skipped dinner. She sat on her bed, the curtains drawn, with her knees pulled up to her chest. She had scrubbed her face until it was pink and had thrown away the clothes she'd been wearing. They'd been replaced by Teddy Lupin's (her godbrother) mum's old Weird Sisters shirt and flannel pajama bottoms. Her freshly-cut hair scratched against her neck, a constant reminder of her first heartbreak.

The first few hours after she'd returned to the dorm, she had lied on her bed and cried. Her tears had seemed never ending, but eventually they had ceased. The sobs that had racked her body left her exhausted, and the only thing that kept her from falling asleep was how sick her stomach felt.

Now her face was tight with dried tears, she felt nauseous, and was completely drained of emotion. Lily stared blankly at her knees, wishing she could go back in time and warm herself not to get involved with Connor McLaggen.

She heard the dormitory door creak open. Her roommates would have better sense than to try to talk to her while her curtains were closed, though they _were_ back from dinner early.

Her curtains were pulled apart, and she looked up sharply, ready to rebuke whoever had interrupted her misery.

"Merlin, Lils, I don't think you realize how difficult it is to get up here."

Lily blinked at her oldest brother, who had just pulled off the Invisibility Cloak. She peered over his shoulder and spotted Albus standing behind him, clutching a large basket.

"What are you doing up here?" she croaked. Her mood had not improved in the slightest.

"Well," James began. "we couldn't just let you mope up here by yourself, now could we? From now on, the Potter kids are sticking together, got it?"

Lily sighed, too tired to glare at him. "Please leave me alone," she begged.

James' grin fell, and Albus stepped forward. "We're not going anywhere, Lily. James is right; we shouldn't handle our problems alone anymore."

Albus and James climbed onto the bed with her, ignoring her protests. When they had successfully pinned her between them, James spoke once more.

"You weren't at dinner, so I went to the kitchens and smuggled you some food. Albus is carrying it, because I had to fly us past the stairs on my broom, and everyone knows he's pants at flying."

Lily didn't respond. She just dropped her head on his shoulder and drew in a shaky breath. James immediately wrapped an arm around her shoulder and held her close. He rubbed her back soothingly, and she was suddenly overcome by the fact that she had two remarkable brothers who cared enough to comfort her after someone had taken her heart through hell. Her eyes began to sting, but she didn't want to shed anymore tears.

James' voice was quiet. "Al was trying to break into the common room. Our little prefect Al! That's how much he knew you needed us."

 _Maybe,_ Lily thought as she sniffed pathetically, _there's hope for the male population after all._

She turned to Albus, her eyes red-rimmed. "Were you really?"

Albus ran his fingers through her hair. "Of course I was." He hesitated before adding, "I can, er, regrow your hair, if you'd like."

Lily nodded, chewing on her lip. Albus whipped out his wand and skillfully regrew it to its previous length. Lily sighed in relief. It was almost like getting a part of herself back.

Albus opened the basket, and for the next twenty minutes the only thing they did was eat. Albus had cast a spell in the door to prevent anyone from wanting to enter, to ensure they aren't interrupted.

Once Lily had finished her plate, her brothers quickly pushed theirs aside. They were looking at her expectantly; she knew what they wanted, but she didn't know how to say it in a way that wouldn't result in tears.

She settled on the truth. "Connor made me feel wanted." Her voice was thick. "It felt so nice. I wanted to make him feel that way, too. I guess I thought that making him happy would show him that. I…" She brushed furiously at her eyes. "I guess that I thought doing what he wanted was the best way to do that. He made it seem like we wanted the same things, and if I thought differently, I'd change my mind once I'd done it."

"He was older," Albus said understandingly. He reached out and squeezed her hand. "and flattering. You thought, seeing as he had more experience with relationships, he knew what was good. And he did know more than you— he knew what to say and how to say it. You're probably not the only girl he's hurt."

It was such an Albus way to deal with the problem: analyze the situation, narrow it down to just the facts, then try to find a solution. Normally, this helped her to feel better. But knowing she hadn't been the only one to be tricked by Connor didn't change the fact that she _had_ , and been hurt.

Albus seem to know that he'd only half-helped, and he squeezed her hand again, for once clueless about what to say.

James, however, had a few ideas. From the pocket of his shirt, he withdrew a folded up piece of parchment. He handed it to her, smiling bitterly. "Boys are dumb."

Frowning curiously, Lily unfolded the parchment. At the top in big, bold letters, "James Sirius Potter's List Of Gits," was written in James' messy scrawl. Underneath the heading was a list of several names, all angrily written. At the very bottom of the list was the name Connor McLaggen.

Lily glanced up at her older brother. James pointed to the first name: Alan Tuchman.

"I made this because of him," he explained. "Allan and I hit it off in third year. It was a great two months. Then I found out he was snogging Brian Dunefield and I dumped him.

"Well, Brian and I didn't like being cheated on, and we bonded over that. Two weeks after that, we kissed for the first time. Brian told me he wasn't ready for another relationship. It sucked, but we stayed friends, so he escaped the list."

Lily gaped at him. "You kissed… a boy?"

James ran his fingers through his hair nervously. "Er… yeah."

Albus leaned over Lily and punched James on the shoulder. "Why didn't you tell us?"

James looked uncharacteristically nervous. "Well, it's not exactly something an easy thing to slip into a conversation, now is it? 'Hey, Al, nice job on your Potions exam! By the way, I'm gay.'"

"Yes!" Al said, exasperated. "That would have been fine!"

"Really," Lily scolded. She felt a little life leak back into her. "What did you think would happen? Did you think we'd reject you? Welcome to the twenty-first century. _We don't care._ "

"Not to say that everyone won't," Albus amended quickly. "We can't speak for everyone. Coming out is always scary when you don't know how the recipient will react— I assume. Lily means that you ought to have known that _we'd_ stand beside you."

James gave them a lopsided grin. "Yeah, I should've. I mean, it's not as bad as being sorted into Slytherin."

James shoved Albus teasingly, but Al lowered his gaze. James' eyes widened as he realized his mistake. "Al— I don't think that, mate. Really. I shouldn't've said that. I know," James gulped, remorseful. "I know it's caused you a lot of stress. You're brilliant Al. Ambition isn't a bad thing. It's… one of the things I admire most about you. Slytherin, Gryffindor— doesn't matter. You're still a decent bloke. I'm sorry."

Albus grinned a little at his brother's rambling. "It's okay James. Just… lay off the Slytherin jokes for a while, yeah?"

James nodded quickly. "Yes. Aye. Yep."

Albus' green eyes gleamed wickedly. "So. Got a boyfriend?"

James glared. "Very funny. But yes, I do."

Albus and Lily gawked at him. "Who?" they demanded.

James' hazel eyes took on a dreamy quality. "Jason Walker. Ravenclaw, my year. Been dating since March of last year."

Albus rolled his eyes. "Should've guessed," he muttered.

Lily giggled into her hand. It wasn't everyday her brother looked so lovestruck.

James pretended to be offended. "Why Lily! You're not so innocent in the love department, either. Jason has told me that quite a few of his Housemates have their sights set on you."

Albus sat up straighter, suddenly alert. "Which ones?"

James just laughed as Lily blushed right up to the roots of her hair.

Once her cheeks had returned to a normal color, Albus spoke hesitantly. "Lils? How are you really?"

It took her several minutes to gather her thoughts, and many more to actually put them into words.

"I… it hurts. A-a lot." She swallowed painfully. "I hate him. I really do. Maybe I won't always, but for now…"

James nodded. "That's okay."

She was trying to do as Albus did: turn her emotions into facts. He made it seem much easier. "I wish he hadn't involved me in this. He used me to h-hurt Jolie. I know that I have to tell her, but I'm terrified of what she'll think of me."

"I think she'll understand," Albus interjected quietly.

Her eyes were stinging again, and she blinked rapidly. "It just— it hurts to know that I was just a _game_ to him. I was just _amusing_. He was someone I wanted to please. He took advantage of my— my _inexperience_ and I _hate_ him for it!"

James rubbed her back. "It's gonna hurt for a while, Lils. But Al and I are always here." He smiled gently. "We all have crazy problems, huh? Must be the Potter curse."

Lily laughed weakly. The three siblings talked for a long time, switching between light-hearted tones to deadly serious ones, and back again. It wasn't okay. Lily still hurt, and there wasn't a magic cure for that. But by the end of the conversation, Lily knew that eventually, she could be, and that she had two kind, magnificent brothers who would help her through it.

Somehow, that was everything.

* * *

 _Teeny, tiny epilogue:_

Lily told Jolie about Connor's dishonesty the next day. As it turned out, the older girl was very shocked and hurt, but had been planning to break up with him anyway. Apparently, he had been controlling Jolie's appearance also. The first thing the girls did was have a good cry together ("He seemed so _nice_ at first!"), and then Jolie asked Lily if Albus was as good at cutting hair as he was regrowing it.

It turned out that he was, and he helped Jolie style it the way she wanted, all the while muttering about how he'd _get a reputation_. Throughout the whole week, Lily and Jolie slowly reverted back to their own looks, though the hurt was still far from healed. When Jolie admitted that without Connor she was failing Transfiguration and would lose her spot in the Quidditch team, she and Lily formed a tentative friendship.

Not to say that Connor got off scot-free. For the rest of the year, mysterious jinxes were fired at him from every meal, coming from the Gryffindor, Slytherin, and Ravenclaw tables. Once word got round to the Hufflepuffs, they joined in. No culprits were ever found. Lily did, however, slip a note to Jason Walker thanking him for his support.

It was a long road to recovery, but starting it had been the hardest part. As long as she had people to help her through the journey, she knew that she'd reach her destination. Eventually.


End file.
